Sam was leaning back in his chair staring at the wall trying to figure out where life went wrong as Mike harrumphed again in the corner and Dave looked across with a timid grin. They’d got back from a meeting a half hour ago and Mike had been quietly stewing ever since, Sam slowly rotating left to right in his chair. Now they’d worked together for some time and Sam was renowned for his poor timing and bad judgement when it came to taking the piss, an issue he had been made aware of but seemed unable to curtail but even he had a moments pause.

“Something fun?” Sam asked, trying to maintain a level tone. Mike glared across the desks, and then at Dave. Sam’s ears pricked up, “This’ll be good. So what’s he got you doing now?” Mike turned to him, stared for a moment.

“HR has bought some fucking golden anchor from IBM!” He spluttered. “And he’s just agreed I’ll install it for them!” Mike had turned bright red. Luckily Mike wasn’t quite as loud as Sam when he got animated so no one else had noticed them yet. “They spent a fortune! And asked nobody!”

A moments pause, Sam thought a moment, tilted his head, he really shouldn’t. “So how’s the exchange move to o365 going to get done?” Sam asked innocently. There was a stream of expletives.

“Oh god it wont be that bad!” Dave exclaimed in mild desperation.

“You’ve never installed IBM software.” Sam riposte with his off hand.

“They only make software so they can sell consultancy! It’s all they ever do! You’ll get this gold plated toilet seat but in order to make the damn thing work you’ll need special gold plated nuts, and a dedicated gold plated toilet seat accommodating crapper” Mike raged.

“That you can’t shit in. Because IBM” Sam glanced at the clock. “Pub?”

“Fuck it pub, he’s buying” Mike said pointing at Dave.